cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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