We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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