Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there was a trapeze. enough said
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Less talking, more tequila
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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