You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You're earring is so big in my mouth
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
