why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
