Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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