PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
