It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
