One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
