Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Vodka?
Forever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
