i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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