I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
