the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
