I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
