Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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