Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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