You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
