life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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