bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
