I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
