Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
