I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Alive.
So much puke
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
