I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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