You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My feet surprised me
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
