Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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