I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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