Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
