Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
