He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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