maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
