I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
