I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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