When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
