Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
