I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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