I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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