You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
