He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
