he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
