u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
