I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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