Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
