Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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