Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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