In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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