Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
