best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
