I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
