WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
