When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
