Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your penis caused this!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
