Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
