just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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